"I saw the sun."

I walk around from one strange situation to the next reassuring myself with life lessons from songs like "Can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need," and "We got to get out of this place if it's the last thing we ever do," and "Don't know what you got until it's gone," and some that I just make up myself like "You will learn from this," and "Take what you want if it's a thing, if it's a person take your time." ...mine are not as good.

Victor has a sister in Illinois. She had just returned from a party. She told Victor the guy next to her thought the centerpiece was so beautiful, he took it. But she was most surprised because he took it so beautifully. In Spain and Venezuela we just take things, Victor told me.

Sometimes Iness is so overwhelmed with joy for Theresa she grabs her and kisses her over and over. Other times she looks at herself in the reflection of the window in her wig and dances. Sometimes Theresa sings "Don't stop believing" (the only lyric I know) and Ines makes me keep singing and we have song conversations with her mom listening outside the door.

I sleep for the last night in this room, listen to "A Change Gunna Come" on youtube and prepare for tomorrow.

as Google increasingly allows me to sign in using two different accounts

I mishandle two different realities.

What do we talk about in this instance? Clothes?

I am distracted by despair.

My knees collapse instead of my knowledge of the system

(and maybe I'm pedantic but at least I'm not an asshole.)

I was fired by a guy who wants to wonder about space and criticize football.

Jack Kerouac walks next to me without any money looking at food.

Men on the street call out to us

because we're there.

the nail clippers falling apart over the toilet. flushing a screw because i´m not going looking in that. he says over and over you are not my english teacher.

oh my god

oh no

thats so stupid

wow

the body is meat

in the car thinking i like metaphors

or maybe i just like to see the road curve

see the distance

i sleep in a bright blue room next to boxes of "need to be published" fliers

i cannot move sometimes when some people speak

now the internet thinks it is helping

I went from Adam's steps to the north of this country where it always rains

and i'm on antibiotics for the second time

the girl who worked at the doctor's had dream catcher earrings

i also have those

i went from Adam overemphasizing how hilarious our situation must be to my friends

to not knowing what anyone thinks

in November you wore the same teal shirt everyday

i could easily fall asleep walking to IKEA

how much do you have left? 150 euro and i brought 1000

my achilles. until this moment, when i open my eyes, i die.

and i'm wondering what causes me to feel this way all the time

in my dream i spent all day with the object of my affection's best friend. he was a little fat and wore a black shirt and baseball cap. it was sad. i wanted to cover the kitchen floor with sand because there were piles of it everywhere, but the sand was only dirt and some rocks when i got up close to it. the object of my affection suddenly appeared and showed me more sand in the corner with a sign that said "sand" over it. it was coming out of a picture of someone's hands. but looking closer, that sand was just rocks too and when i tried to make a joke the object of my affection and another person thought it was funny until i couldn't say slip in spanish. the object of my affection looked away not thinking it was funny anymore. he had seven cats because he took pity on them. one was on his shoulder and the others were outside. he told me to sleep with him tonight but i didn't want to sleep in the factory. he got angry. the roommates were in the kitchen with their girlfriends. the refrigerator was open and a lot of pizza was inside.

I bought the radiohead album but it disappeared because I don't understand computers. While I searched for it, Jen didn't talk. I think I looked worried or sad. She was wearing an uncomfortable dress. I made her stay for another beer. People put their arms around me and gave me their rum and cokes. They looked at the floor and squeezed their hands into little fists when they danced. They said Kansas after I said it and "Where are you going?" I would follow Jen anywhere at that moment. I feel like it's too weird to be in this dream. I lie hungover under the covers and wonder why things happen, then open my legs out the window for the world.

it's too early to talk to the ten year old for an hour and I dropped all my midol on the floor of the bar last night...fuck

Where are the girls who kissed me from the backseat of the car.

The girls who tell me to walk in

because they´re downstairs doing laundry

or sitting on the floor with a notebook and

philosophy spread in close circles

difficult to walk through.

I walk to the door at night and pass a frog by the porch light.

Because I almost stepped on it I was scared.

Where are the girls who write poems

and standing next to her car in the snow

the one with coffee

in the pre-morning looking forward to dreams