My mom writes me emails about the continuing illusion of life. She probably can remember all the help it did last time to hold me when I started crying at the dining room table during dinner, because how am I supposed to be exactly what I need to be?
My plant is dying. I open the window in my room and put it on the ledge and say, here, I love you even though I haven't given you enough sun. Please don't die.
I'm here! The continuing illusion of life. the illusion is lack of disappointment, that there will someday not be a lack, that there will be brimming un-disappointment and we will never skip breakfast and never get sick. lorrie moore said that the only theme for literature is, "life will disappoint you." that is why i am saying these grim things, i was thinking of her. she also said, or her character did, "plots are for dead people, pore-face."
ReplyDeletei love that rachel's plant's name is raquel. i gave my plant away. the one i wanted to bring to new york because my mom gave it to me. but it wasn't going to happen so i left that philodendron in the sun on whitney's front stoop.
why do magicians always have such awful hair? why did i get a new laptop and just let it sit on the floor in a box? don't i want a new lap top? do you believe things on t.v.? like magicians?
I did something embarrassing involving Cameron, as usual. I dislike him again maybe. And he's in Korea! I don't want to talk about him anymore! Christ! You are always the synapse to my neuron with these things rachel, with my weak little woman heart.
we have ourselves a fairly stable, consistent relationship. we are lucky. we are behind each other.
they are making me read michael chabon and jumpa lahiri and john updike and i think i'm supposed to be really into it.
Pound's Cantos, which of course ends because he died
ReplyDeletenotes!
hey you put things up and around
ReplyDeletelandscaping
what is your new mailing address? tell me