It's raining. But it doesn't matter, because Gina sees the universe as balanced. Now she doesn't look at people in the street and I allow her to move my purse from the floor to her thigh in case I forget it. Her eyes are a little red around the corners when I tell her I am leaving and we are both sad because neither of us can handle even this sort of strange and needed goodbye. I take all of the world's sadness into my hair and chop it off when I have to. Am I a mother? Did my mother know this also? This losing yourself? And how come in Spanish she seems O.K. with it, saying she's disillusioned, like it's a joke? I hate talking about boys, god! Please! ...my friend the turtle is wondering about the difference between big shapes and probably wants to sleep in the wild again, where night always came before 3am.

Or maybe turtles don't want.

"And they kept it for you?"

"Yeah, I'm just lucky."

"And I'm sure it was a shitty jacket."

"Shot to the heart!"

It is almost one in the morning here and I haven't done anything today but eat, watch two episodes of South Park, retrieve my jacket and think about becoming a scientist. I got props for being unpredictable from Savannah about the scientist part. The other day on my rock by the ocean there were all these flowers and I deflowered all of them with my fingers. They were white, and up close there was a pattern written like code on the petals. The grass is different here. Waterproof.

There is a girl in one of my classes who fails all of her subjects. All of them. She studies all the time and asks for more practice but she still can't perform. She's beautiful and she wears these boots that are gigantic and black.

girls are amazing.

the roommates are fighting...very much in need of sleep...the boy roommate seems to be on my side...please calm the raging dragon...

...my blog isn't as funny as i thought it was.

A hint of anger and jealousy could be seen in the drunken stuper of the idiot as he scooted his chair closer to Jen in my absence. "It's fine," she said. "I'll take one for the team." There was some game on I didn't know anything about but pretty much everyone was wearing red and white and the chairs filled the room. They were thick and sturdy and made me feel like a queen.

Suddenly we were surrounded and the only potential non-idiot asked for Jen's number and then proceeded to impress her by making a star out of toothpicks. It fell apart and she couldn't get it back together and then he left to study chemistry.

Jen looked up and said "You're leaving me?" and he just nodded.

I saw him outside later smoking a cigarette by the door. After this intense disappointment, Jen and I ate chocolate and went shopping, and this time encountered no homeless-looking scientology missionaries or foreign coin collectors asking me if I was having a good time writing in my diary.

Jen almost bought a green shirt with a zipper down the back and I thought about buying an umbrella. We went back to the apartment to be with our computers until dark, when I could finally convince Jen to come out with me and fantasize about next year when she had to go home to pay off her student loans and I would be the only girl left in toy land.

"What do you think would happen if I came down here by myself?" I asked.

"You'd probably get molested," she said.

At the intersection of the bars, on our third drink, she said "I'm tired of playing this game," and told me all these amazing things about horses like how you have to approach them with hunched shoulders, but they make this gurgling sound once they recognize you and that the part of their nose right underneath their nostrils is so soft. She is worth all of the idiots trying to be clever.

iness took off her pants and wouldn't put them back on......i almost fell asleep during flash cards......deep fantasy of a nap in her pink room.........saw a kid in a stroller from the bus and smiled at him..........never got that reaction.....jen talks about the kids almost touching her boobs when she wears low hanging necklaces and refers to where the necklace hangs as "the danger spot"........walking down gran via...every day i'm hustling...

The mother in Areeta who is due in three weeks...I'm just waiting...

"Dude, at least we're not pregnant."

I have never told Ines how carefully I craft her subconscious so that she will never have to look out the window of the train in satisfaction, to never be satisfied, but to create large waves only she can surf forever and helicopters to take her away when they become too much.