in my mind is a war-

on one side the irish stubble so close to my cheek telling me: "I recommend it!" like I'm ordering something much bigger than food.

on the other ryan with her short hair now, telling me a cat jumped into her car so she took it home and showed it around her room and it stayed for when she had a nightmare and crawled up next to her when she called out, "cat, cat!" like she was really audrey hepburn and audrey hepburn was the fake.

and i am on the kitchen floor with the cellphone hot against my ear asking elke why she's making me choose